How to Win Friends & Influence People

Before I write about this book that I have read, let me give the reference of it. These are because, firstly, not to be accused of plagiarism as some of the contents are taken out from this book; secondly, in case you are interested, you can find this book by using the reference.

Carniege. D, 1981, How to win Friends & Influence People, Revised Edition, USA: Pocket Books

Why review this book? Actually, it's a reminder for me what I have read, and to apply it in daily basis. Also, I would like to share the content with you, this book make sense to me. The motives I read this book were because of recommendation from my mom; and I wish to have better soft skill to communicate with people especially get people willingly to work for you. In my case, not in work field but, in my group assignment. Now, I need to practise by applying it, hopefully I can fully make use of it when is the time for me to my work field.

There are a few section in this book, I will adopt the list from the book, those startling lines are:-

Part 1: Fundamental techniques in handling people
Principles:
Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse the other person an eager want.

Part 2: Six ways to make people like you.
Principles:
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage other to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.

Part 3: Win people to your way of thinking
Principles:
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person's opinion. Never say, "You're wrong".
If you are wrong, admit It quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Appeal to nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.

Part 4: Be a leader
Principles:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistake before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders,
Let the other person save face,
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Dale Carniege and his associates had explained the principles above well with examples based on the experience they had gone through, some historical event, and even political evidence that proved the techniques used were very much successful.

The principle listed above may be vague, but you will understand it once you read the book as it contains life examples.

Thanks for reading this blog. Hopefully, I can master the above skills in achieving my dreams.
I wish you benefit from this blog too.

The Power of Self Image Psychology

This is a motivational book that my mom recommended me to read. I found this book interesting and got lots of "a-ha" moment. It helped me to uncover my hidden potential and gave me strength to continue my journey by reaching my goals.

The author was a plastic surgeon. He had improved many people's feature from the bad or the ugly to beautiful or attractive one. However, some of his clients, despite the features had improved compare before surgery, they never felt the change as beautiful or charming but even worse. This was because, they still pertain the self image as ugly or a failure.

The book was not talking about how to improve physical appearance, but, the appearance you perceive on yourself in your thought or known as "self-image".

There are twelve principle to obtain "magic power" in your self image. The key words were obtained from the last chapter of the book. How to practise this? This is by setting a positive self image and not forgetting keeping it in your mind, the wonderful words of wisdom are:-

1. 
   
   Know the Truth of yourself. Many people tend to overlook their potential and constantly tell themselves they can't do it. Why destroy or pull down yourself by telling yourself you cannot do something but the truth is you can?
2. 
   Use your Imagination, see yourself as successful you want. Keep that image in your mind, tell yourself you are reaching to it as you are working on it.
3. 
   
   
   Relaxation is crucial to recharge yourself for future work. It is no use to constantly tense up but to enjoy the whole process as fulfilling. It is simple, when you are tired, put aside worries, you will settle it once you get the energy after relaxation. (Lynhuei, you need to learn from this...be calm and stop worrying)
4. 
   
   Get That Winning feeling after you have accomplish something that very meaningful to you. Be positive, think you can win, no one is born to be a failure after all.
5. 
   
   Cultivate Good Habits. Who say you can't change your bad habits that hinder your progress? You are in charge of the game here, you can change the rule as long as you want a change!
6. 
   
   The Aim of Happiness. Life is full of ups and downs, try to be joyful as every day is a new day to go. Everyday you have is actually a blessing as we have time to pursue what we want. Try to live to the fullest!
7. 
   
   Unmasking. Be yourself, do not be what people want you to be or intimidate someone else. Everyone is born uniquely. Genuine is the beauty of all.
8. 
   
   Compassion is most wonderful thing in the world. With this, for example empathise other people who need help and try reaching them is the best quality of mankind. Be compassion and kind, you will feel good.
   
9. 
   
   Accepting your weakness. Do not blame yourself and constantly stay in that blame game on yourself. Do what you can to alter learn from. Condemning yourself for your fault that everyone in the world make can only make you feel vulnerable. Stand up!
   
10. 
    
    Living with your mistakes. Yes, forgive yourself and take it as valuable lesson. The worst mistake is not making mistakes but do not get over from your mistakes and just stuck there. Mistakes over the years are experiences that useful for you.
    
11. 
    
    Being yourself. Be truthful to yourself. Love yourself, you belong to yourself, no one can take your self-esteem away, unless you don't want to own it. Honesty is the best policy.( Don't be mistaken,this is not for business, but self-development.)
    
12. 
    
    Never Retiring. Even you are going to retire, go for something you like, you are not useless even though you retire from you work. You can still live as young as you like. ( Note: this is only applicable when you reach your retiring age. Just keep it, use it when the time comes. ^^)

I wish you can acquire a good self image that leads you to the life you desire and success.

Thanks for reading.

The Leader In You

The Leader In You, this is a a motivational book that I had spent almost a year to finish reading. Actually, I was the one who keep delaying reading.

The below content are extracted from this book, to avoid myself for being accuse in committing academic offence, I am here officially to give credit to the author and associated contributors. Dear friends or visitor, below is the referencing of the book, you can get this book if you are interested:


Carnegie.D et.al, 2003, The Leader In You (How to win friends, influence people and succeed in changing world), New York, Pocket Books

Let me briefly talk about the content based on the sub title available in the book.



To be a leader, one need to find the leader in oneself by identifying own strengths. Leader should also be able to visualise what to do and give instruction to the members to make what visualised come into reality. Then effective communication is essential to built trusting relationship. Besides, to make people move and willingly work for you, leader should be able to constantly motivate her/his team members. This will build up team working spirit among the members in achieving desired task.

To add on, to have effective communication with the team, leader need to be able to express genuine interest in others. People tend to ignore this important aspect. Actually, when you expressing interest on other people, and you really becoming more interested in the people around you. People will feel good when their views or opinions are being valued by giving interest on what they said.

Put in someones shoes through seeing things from other people's point of view. Knowing what is important for other is equally important as to getting work done. This will be a "pull" for your teammates to work with you instead of keep pushing them. You may ask, how to exercise empathy? The answer is having good listening skill. You need to step out yourself to discover what is important to others through listening to learn. "Nobody is more persuasive than a good listener".

"Teaming out for tomorrow" that a leader need to do through the following:

• Create a shared sense of purpose


• Make goals as team goals


• Treat people as individuals they are


• Make each member responsible for the team product


• Share the glory, accept the blame


• Take every opportunity to build confidence in the team


• Be involved, stay involved


• Keep mentoring

There are others guidelines needed to follow after the above:

• Setting Goals
• Focus and discipline
• Achieving Balance
• Creating Positive Mental Attitude
• Learning not to Worry
• The Power of Enthusiasm

Due to time constrain, I am not going to elaborate the above points. Please forgive me if you actually want to know more about the above points. Haha....

What I wrote may just the surface from this book. However, I highly recommend you to read this book as everyday we need to communicate with people and work in groups.

I am still learning to be an effective leader. In this semester 3, I wish I could alter my mistakes made in as leader in previous group assignment. This will be the second chance for me to gain more self-improvement.

Wish me luck.